Wednesday, January 14, 2015

Euphemisms in Erotica

You know what really pulls me out of a story? Unrealistic descriptions of body parts. A woman in her 30's who can't say "vagina" or "pussy" is just so unrealistic. If you are going to have a modern woman engaging in sex then she'll be using REAL words. If she isn't there had better be some serious backstory as to why she is so very repressed as to be spewing 1950s cute-isms for her cunt.

We don't want "turgid purple helmets" for dicks do we? Then why "nether regions" for pussy? I like dialog in my sex scenes and finding words to use can get difficult. I mean, how many times can I type "cock"?  But in real life you don't find a new word every time you ask your partner to do something. You just use the word penis. Or dick. Or cock. Let's get real with the girl parts too. Vagina, pussy, cunt.



My new short-erotica series has its first cover! Coming soon to Smashwords and Amazon.

Thursday, January 1, 2015

The Vampire's Accountant Chapter 2.3

"You came with him sucking your thumb?" Marcy's friend Shannon didn't try to hide her smile, "damn girl, you are repressed.  The first time you fuck him your head will probably explode."

"Thanks for the vote of confidence."  Marcy hid her blush by busily adding sugar to her tea.

"Well good for you for finally getting his attention. When do you see him again?" Shannon took another huge bite of her cinnamon chip scone which Brie's Bakery was famous for.  Brie's was clear across town from Marcy's apartment but she met Shannon here a few times a week to treat herself to a scone and tea and to practice her "girl talk" with Shannon.

Her father hadn't really allowed her to have friends over so when she moved to the city a year ago and met Shannon in line at the DMV she was thrilled to have a friend.  Shannon was everything Marcy wished she were.  She wore what she wanted, said what she wanted, and always seemed confident and happy.  Vivacious was the word.  Full of life.  Marcy wanted to be full of life.

"I'm not scheduled to see him again until next Friday."

"What!?!" scone bits flew across the table like shrapnel.  "That's when Marcy The Accountant is going to see him.  I mean Marcy the-thumb-suck-to-orgasm girl.  You have to see him again to finish what you started."

Marcy wiped crumbs off her shirt.  "Well, I mean, I can't just go up to him in street clothes and be like 'hey babe suck me again'." Shannon guffawed at Marcy's mock-sexy voice.

"You ladies need anything else?" Mavick, the manager of Brie's night shift, addressed them both but only had eyes for Shannon.

"No thanks, Mav." Shannon said while looking into her latte cup.  Mav paused for a moment and then spun on his heel and walked away.

"What is going on?" Marcy leaned across the table and whispered so Mavick wouldn't hear.

"Uh..nothing."  Shannon wasn't making eye contact.

"You're having sex with Mav!" Shannon's eyes shot to Marcy giving away that her guess was dead on. "Oh my God, when did this happen?"  Mavick wasn't like Shannon's usual lovers.  She normally went for the baddest bad boy in the room.  Mavick was a gentle giant - a huge man but soft spoken and kind to a fault.

"Shhhh.  Someone's going to hear!" Her eyes darted around the small grouping of tables like the FBI was interested in her sex life. "Last Saturday, I came in really early and we got to talking.  He's really nice."  Her face lit up bright red.  Marcy didn't know Shannon had the ability to blush.

Marcy waited silently feeling Shannon had more to tell.

"Did you know he's half-elf?" Marcy shook her head.  "I had no idea either.  His mother was an elf and his father a fireman that saved her life in a lightening storm. He mostly got his dad's features but he has some elf parts too."

"Shannon! If you get any redder then your head is going to explode.  What do you mean elf parts?" Marcy was on the edge of her seat now.

"Well his, um, well his cock has these...kind of..."

"Spit it out girl!"

"Marcy, his goddamn cock has ridges running along it that move and tickle and secrete this...this stuff that enhances orgasm.  They're called Valafrian or Valifan or something." she finished in a rush of words, "it is hard to explain unless you see it.  At first it was weird but he was so shy about it and, oh my God, Marcy, it was the best sex I've ever had."

"I had no idea elves had...penises like that." Shannon looked expectant as if she were afraid Marcy would be grossed out. "That's wonderful that you had a good time though, he's one of the nicest guys I know.  You two make a great couple."